Flu of Doom
by hieirocks16
Summary: Zim has come down with a filthy human flu. Dib comes to help him in hopes of showing him that humanity isn't all that bad. A whole new battle starts between Zim's pride and Dib's will.


FLU OF DOOM

Invader Zim

ZADF (may progress to ZADR)

Chapter one: Symptoms

-----------------------------

He wasn't sure how it happened. Weird things had happened to him in the past but this one certainly took the cake. It was still boggling his mind. So weird... but what else could he do? He supposed to happened four days at ago. When he noticed something strange about the resident alien in school.

It had started off normally. He was running late for class, no thanks to that vampire gerbil. He was sure he was close to unmasking it for its true vampirey gerbilly evil! But alas today was not the day and once again he was sent to his seat with a hiss from Mrs. Bitters and a threat of going to the underground classroom. He had a feeling he amused her which is why she kept him around so long. That was more creepy a thought then he would have liked so cast it from his mind.

Ah, now for the usual class rituals. He glanced over at Zim with his eyes narrowed. He was sure he'd be holding some kid hostage on his table or using some sort of device. He had no such luck. This is where things began to get weird.

Zim had his head on the table, staring at Mrs. Bitters and seemingly paying attention. At least it looked that way to anyone who didn't obsessively watch him like Dib had. His eyes were open but they had a distant far away, tired look. He'd never heard of Zim sleeping or seen him do it but this was fairly close. He didn't look like he was planning a single thing. Which would normally throw most people off but this was Dib, and he wasn't thrown off at all! After all if Zim didn't look like he was planning anything. This of course meant he was doing just that! Dib held off any rapid accusations. Zim wasn't drawing attention to himself and he was resigned to just let him go until lunch. Then he'd find out what he was up to and save the world!

The bell eventually rang and the class began to file out. Normally it was a race, a challenge to see who could get there first and Dib was well prepared for it. He gathered his things and went to turn to Zim with a smirk but the green boy was already gone. For a moment all Dib could do was stare at his desk. Did he get that much of a head start on him? That was cheating! He darted into the hallway and skittered for the lunch room using his skills to avoid any head on collisions in the hall.

This didn't work when his sister walked out and stuck her foot out. He face planted rather painfully and looked up at her with a glare. "What the heck, Gaz! Zim's going to beat me!" He groused at her with a glare and sat up to readjust his glass which had flown off his face by the sheer force.

"He's already there. Now hurry up. I'm hungry." She stated with a scowl and started along her way.

"Wha...? How do you know that?! I was right behind him!" He argued getting up to catch after her. She was probably right though. She always seemed to be. It was kind of freaky and he wondered if SHE was a paranormal half the time. He didn't want to chance researching her. He'd end up in worse pain then any invention Zim could come up with.

Speaking of him... Dib took his normal seat and glanced up and frowned. Normally Zim would put on a show about eating like a normal kid and stare at his food like it might bite him. Today he was doing no such thing. Once again his head was in his arms and he had his plate pushed away from him. He looked more normal then Dib had ever seen him. He really looked like a kid who didn't feel good or was depressed. "Do you see that, Gaz? Do you? Zim looks like he's really concentrated. Piloting!"

Gaz glanced up through her seemingly closed eyes. "... He looks sick."

"He WANTS us to think he's sick!" Dib exclaimed pointing at him. "He's trying to make us feel sorry for him so we'll lower our guard! I bet he's planning something REALLY evil!"

"Uh-huh. Well why don't you just go ask him, genius." She said slamming down on the buttons on her game slave. Really she was just tired of Dib's voice. It was driving her insane. Couldn't he think of any other topic besides Zim? Or the supernatural for that matter... Yah, like that would ever happen. She could dream though in her own little pig obsessed world.

"You know what? I think I will!" The boy said proudly standing and marching over to Zim's table. He sat down in front of him and grinned. "So Zim, what are you planning? It doesn't matter really since I'll stop you! But I know you're up to something."

Zim's blue eyes shifted to look up at him before glancing back down at the table. "Nothing Dib-worm. Zim has nothing to explain to the likes of you." He shot back just as aggressively as normal, pushing himself up to glower at him.

Dib matched his glare until they were nearly head to head. "You wait, Zim! I'll find out exactly what you're up to and then I'll put a stop to it! You just wait!"

"Foolish Dib-human. Nothing you do will ever stop my conquest of this filth. Now if you don't mind, Zim would like to eat his normal human lunch in peace!" He sat up abruptly and grabbed his tray. He began to poke at the contents but never took an actual bite. Instead pretending to be interested in it, as if that qualified as the same thing.

Dib smiled. There was the Zim he knew. Not that he was worried or anything. He just didn't want Zim to be up to something! If he acted abnormal it gave him reason to doubly worry about what he was doing. Relieved he sat back to allow to Zim just that. Every once in a while he tried to coax what he was up to out of him but Zim easily disregarded him by throwing insults such as 'Its hard for your tiny Earth brain to comprehend' or 'Silly Dib-stink, go away. Zim is busy'. He was really being difficult this time but Dib knew he'd find out eventually. Just hopefully not the hard way.

Eventually the time came and lunch over. Zim was much more himself in class and even went as far as to hit Dib with a few wads of paper. Dib, of course, began to shout about Zim's abnormal alien tenancies which wound up with HIM being the one being judged as abnormal... which was pretty normal in its self.

It wasn't long before Mrs. Bitter's freed them from her horrid grasp with final shouts about how absolutely doomed their miserable lives would be. Well not with Dib on the case! He'd never let the human race be doomed to tragedy while he was around (at least not the alien wrought kind). Kids piled out of windows, doors, and any other orifice they could find to escape. Once again Zim disappeared with the crowd. Dib presumed he was attempting to escape him. Well not to day, buster! He knew were Zim lived after all!

------------

Nothing. Not a damned thing. Zim's house wasn't lighting up in displays that could put fireworks to shame, no evil freaky creatures bent on eating Dib's head had escaped, even GIR was sitting primarily still. That in its self was frightening. The dog was sitting in front of the TV, not noticing or ignoring Dib's presence at the window. Every once in a while he would say something random and stick his head into a bag of what looked to be cheetos, making terrible smacking sounds but other then that the base was silent. Zim himself was no where to be found.

He was debating breaking in but he had no idea where Zim was. If he broke in he might be instantly caught and no farther in his quest for Zim to tell him what he was up to. At the very least he could count that the alien would let him know before actually executing his plans. He liked to brag and there was only two people he could brag to and one of them was running around with a bag on his head. Besides that he had nasty laser burns on his sides from the LAST attempt. Those damned gnomes were damned good shots sometimes.

So he'd wait it out and watch the house for any signs of activity. It was hours before Zim even decided to come up from his lab. He was dragging his feet and flopped onto the couch to stare at he TV dully. GIR turned to him and smiled but all he got was an annoyed grunt. "GIR."

"Yes sir!" The unit had somehow discarded his dog suit in half a second and was standing at attention, eyes red.

"Make sure no one enters the base! I must rest. I have things to plan for this filth planet! But I will wait until my Zimness is at its maximum level!" He flopped his head down on the couch and closed his red eyes. "Computer! Make this room... thingy dark!" He shouted at it, flipping his hand as if to wave it off.

The whole house sighed before the living room darkened as much as it could with the mass of TVs still prattling on.

Dib felt disappointed and rather elated at the same time. Zim hadn't been planning all day then, which meant Earth was safe for another day but didn't explain Zim's strange behavior. In fact it made it seem even weirder if that was possible. Well at least he knew the alien did sleep. That was something he really hadn't expected. He stood up slowly and carefully to peer back into the window. Despite all the noise from the TVs and GIR's insistent copping of the one on the couch still managed to curl up in something of a fetal position on his side eyes firmly shut.

He wondered if Irken's dreamed. He wasn't close enough to study if he was going through the REM cycle and he couldn't exactly attach a monitor to his head at this point. He let out a small sigh of defeat. At least Zim didn't know he was there which meant he had no idea he'd been victorious because he fell asleep.

He rolled and ducked between the gnomes to avoid activating them. He'd figured out the pattern by now. If he moved just right then they wouldn't catch him and he could freely sneak up to Zim's windows and even his door. He'd rebuilt the base so many times he couldn't catch all the blind spots in his rush.

Ever so carefully he stepped out of range of the creepy figures and sneaked back to his house. He'd take it up with Zim tomorrow when he had a plan. For now, he had to come up with a way to get the alien to tell him once he had one.

This plan would have worked out perfectly... had Zim come to class the next day. Dib was ready with a million ways to get the information he wanted out of the Irken but there was no such luck. He waited with gritted teeth as the class started to file in, his fingers gripping the side of his desk. He was ready to pounce as soon as Zim entered the room. It seemed like every second ticked by as he tensed more, slowly creeping onto his desk without knowing.

"Dib! Sit down! Class has started!" The teacher spat at him suddenly in face. He fumbled back ward blinking rapidly.

"What?! We can't start class! Zim isn't here yet!" He said pointing to the empty desk accusingly.

The teacher rose an eyebrow and slithered back to her desk. "It'll go down in his records." Is all she said simply but she didn't have a clue. If Zim wasn't there then what was to stop him from taking over the world?! Had he purposely missed it so that Dib couldn't stop it?

His hand shot up in seconds. "Mrs. Bitters I need to use the bathroom."

The teacher let out something of a drawn out sigh. At least she wouldn't have to deal with him for a while. "Fine but take the hall pass." She said holding out her hand with the collar dangling from it.

He eyed it with a grimace. One, that had been in someone's body once and secondly because he fully intended to leave school grounds and didn't want to explode. Walking up he accepted the thing onto his neck, shuddering slightly, before walking to the hall and leaning against it.

Well he could take care of this easily enough. Reaching into his jacket he pulled out his laptop and attached a wire to the necklace in attempt to hack into it and get it off.

----

Zim stared up at the ceiling. He was laying on his stomach to avoid putting any unnecessary pressure on his pack. Since the day before yesterday he'd been feeling... well rather unlike himself. Too tired to think of plans, too worn out to even build something. He'd run test on his PAK but it wasn't the source of his ill feelings.

No it was his body that was so weak. He'd been so careful to avoid those 'germs' and now here was laden on his bed. He shakily brought up a hand and pulled himself up. He wavered for a moment before falling back again and was met with something soft. He opened a ruby eye to glance over at his grinning SIR unit holding a pillow.

"Here ya go, Master! You almost fell down!" He said earnestly before bounding away to sit in front of his TV again. "How come you didn't go to skooool today?"

Zim struggled to make sense of why GIR was sounding lucid. He felt so cold and his body wasn't obeying his commands they way he wanted it to. "The Zim is merely taking a break." He responded shifting his head to actually look at GIR.

He was wearing a pair of underpants on his head and running around the room like a lunatic before fumbling into the kitchen. "WAFFLES!"

Right... well that made more sense at least. He felt like he'd eaten some of the terrible human food. Maybe he had. Maybe Dib had slipped some into him without his knowing. Yes, there we go, blame Dib for this horrible occurrence. That would make him feel much better.

He grasped for a blanket. He was cold, very cold. He was rewarded for his efforts when GIR threw one over him. For such an insane robot he seemed to understand basic needs.

BOOM!

Or maybe he was just insane.

---

Click. Beep...Beep...Beep...

The necklace dropped from his neck and Dib stood up brushing himself off. "Ha! No hall pass will keep me from saving the world!" He announced to no one but the empty halls. He picked up the pass and ran toward the exit of the school. He stopped to deposit it into a vent where no one was likely to look and took off. He had an invader to stop!

He bolted out of the doors and into freedom and... rain? He stopped for a moment to hold out his hand and stare up at the rumbling sky. It hadn't been raining when he got to school. Would Zim try to take over the world in rain? Or maybe that's why he hadn't shown up for school. Well he had been bathing in paste and it wouldn't seem very 'normal' if he missed school every time it rained.

Well so far he didn't see any smoke rising from buildings or any explosions. Well the best place to start was Zim's house but first he needed to get his equipment. He couldn't just run in unprepared. Splashing through the puddles and the rain he made his way to his own house.

It didn't take him long to gather up his stuff. He was never truly prepared for what Zim had in store for him but it was best to grab what he could. He slid down the gutter to drop down from his window. It was safer then going through the house. His dad might catch him if he was even home but he tended to be at the most inconvenient times.

Dodging through the gnomes once more he found GIR sitting on the couch next to a pile of blankets that were covered in all sorts of goo and chicken. He hesitated before knocking. GIR tended to be a helpful guy when it came to stopping Zim's plans. Who's side was he on?

He shook his head. No time for that. He had to get his mind focused on stopping Zim. Sure enough the robot glanced to the window, waved enthusiastically and dawned his dog suit. The door opened soon after. "Hi big head!" He greeted loudly and Dib winced.

"Sh, GIR, I'm looking for Zim. He wasn't at school today. I know he's up to something! So you'd better tell me what it is." He threatened approaching the unstable robot.

GIR's head tilted to the side, as if thinking. "The master's over there!" He swung a stubby arm to the mass of blanket. "He not doin nothin! He's borin'. I made some waffles!"

Dib rose an eyebrow and glanced toward the couch. "You expect to fall for that? Really how stupid do you think I am?" He approached the couch regardless, taking careful steps. His eyes scanned the floor for a weapon. It had to be a trap. Zim hadn't even screamed at him for being in his base. He reached down and grabbed a long slender rod from the ground. It looked like a rod from a shower curtain. He decided not to ask.

"Zim...?" He said carefully poking the tip of the rod under the blanket and lifting it up. He let out a startled yelp and backed up, the blanket falling back into place. He tossed it to the side and grabbed the blanket with his hands, pulling it off. "Zim? What happened?"

Zim looked terrible. His normally dark green skin was a pale sickly yellow. His eyes had gone from red to a low flashing pink. He looked up at Dib with confusion. "Dib-stink?" He asked unsurely before curling up more. He was so cold and grasped for the blanket. "What are you doing in Zim's house? Go away. Zim will not waste his time fighting you today."

Dib was sure he should feel gratified. After all his worst enemy was laying in shambles in front of him. But he could surface the will to even crack a smile. He looked so damned terrible and it wasn't anything of his doing. "Man, you look terrible Zim..." He leaning down to look at him.

"Zim does not need a stupid Earth monkey to tell Zim how he looks." He snapped pushing a gloved hand up to move Dib from his presence. The attempt was feeble and ended with him giving up with the boy wouldn't budge. He settled for glaring at the couch. "Zim just needs time to recover."

Dib sat back to look at him pushing up his glasses. "Zim speaks in third person a lot more when Zim is sick." He mocked him with a slight grin. It irritated the Irken enough to get him to glare and slap at him with his hand. "So what's wrong?" He got a flat look in return causing Dib to roll his eyes. "I mean what made you sick?"

The alien gave him a death look which was oddly more frightening when his eyes were flashing like that. "As if I know, human-stink! You probably made me eat that disgusting human food! Tell Zim what you've done! Cure it now!" He was regaining a bit of his spark as he rolled over and pushed himself up on his arms. He was silenced the minute that Dib's hand came across his forehead and stared at him with wide confused eyes. "What are you doing touching me?" He hissed pushing the hand away from his head.

"You're freezing!" He exclaimed clamoring to grab at the blanket again. "You're as cold as death... Zim, I didn't do anything to you this time. I swear. How would I have gotten you to eat human food? You would have had an instant reaction."

The blanket was quickly snatched up and Zim disappeared under it except for his eyes. "Well if the Dib did not do this then who did? I demand to be cured! I'm loosing precious conquest time!" He lifted his hands into the air before he suddenly thumped back wheezing a bit. He wasn't in the in the shape to be moving so frantically.

"I think someone in class had the flu last week... I don't think anyone purposely did it to you. I think it just happened. That happens sometimes." He glanced up to see an inquisitive antenna poking out from under the blue blanket. "You don't have the immunity to it. That's what you get for trying to escape germs all the time."

Zim snorted under his breath. "Well leave me alone to recover... that is unless you intend to take out Zim out while he's ill." His fierce gaze landed on the human. He was daring him to do it. If that human thought he was going to kill him now then he was sorely mistaken. Under the blankets his finger was hovering over the self destruct button. Ready to press it should things turn sour but truthfully he expected more of Dib. Yes they were enemies but Dib surely wouldn't destroy him while he was weak. If that were the case one of them would be long dead already. Their delicate balance and game shifted and broken.

The human hesitated his mouth cotton dry. He should take this opportunity to strike while Zim was weak. To free them from the horrors the alien would surely bring upon them if left to live. He should just take him out. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Hitting him in the face with a metal pole wouldn't just be a disgusting way to try and kill him. Besides, Zim had plenty of opportunities to take him out when he'd fallen weak and had done nothing of the sort. If he killed Zim now... He didn't want to think about it. Instead he cooked up another scheme. Something half baked but maybe it'd work like in the movies. "No way, Zim! I'm going to show you why we humans should live! I'm going to help you recover."

"You're going to what...?" While he hadn't expected Dib to kill him he hadn't expected THIS either. The Dib was going to help him get well. What for? It didn't make any sense! "The Dib has lost his mind! I am ZIM! Your mortal enemy! You're world's destroyer! I need not the help of those I shall some day destroy!" He was starting to get worked up again, trying to shake his fists and threaten Dib.

He was cut off when two hands pushed him firmly back against the couch. "Hey calm down. You're going to make yourself worse. Now I know just the thing to... well you don't have a fever exactly...But I know what can help you!"

"I MADE WAFFLES!" GIR choose this time to yell from the kitchen. He sounded like he was doing anything BUT making waffles.

"Uh... not that... Have you eaten recently?"

Zim huffed again, "I ate the day before yesterday, Worm-baby. Not that its any of your business." He crossed his arms resembling a pouting kid underneath his blanket.

Dib rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket down so he could see Zim's face. "Don't you guys have medications?" He was getting up and going into the kitchen. There were waffles, more waffles then should physically be able to be made. GIR was sitting on a stack of them sucking on the bottle of syrup. He smiled at Dib when he walked in the mass of grossness dripping down his front from his mouth."I made waffles for my piggy!" He gestured to a pig in the back of the room eating as many waffles as he could in as little time as possible.

"Er... that's great GIR... I'm looking for Zim's.... food things."

"Snacks?!"

"Uh yea... Zim's snacks."

GIR saluted and started through the cupboards throwing things out. Dib ducked avoiding strange things such as a cat, a sink, minimoose, and an entire pizza. When he returned he had a taco in one hand and box with a stick inside. "Here ya go, Marry! My Master's no feelin too good! You make him better!"

Uncertain of where GIR had managed to get the taco from he grabbed the pack. "Right... I'll uh do that. So long as he doesn't kill me for it." This was an opportunity to study Zim's food. Understand it and maybe alter it to his advantage. He pulled out the stick. It reminded him of a candy where you dipped the stick into a powder and licked it off. He was tempted to try some but he'd seen how human food affected Zim, this would probably kill a human. Even still he pulled out the little stick and shook some of the powder into a bag in his jacket. Samples were highly important. He needed to know what this was.

Creeping in he came in to sit by Zim who was miffed that Dib had left without letting him answer his question. He glared at him, eyeing his hand like it was a poison. "Don't get your filthy hands on Zim's food." He snatched it from Dib's hands as soon as he was close enough. He sniffed it still keeping his gaze locked on Dib with untrusting eyes.

"I didn't mess with it Zim. GIR gave it to me, you can ask him."

"As if I would trust GIR..." He answered but seemed convinced enough to start eating from it. He gave another stare when the human sat down on the couch next to him. "Zim did not say you could stay. Also you asked about Irken medicine. Of course as Irkens we have very advanced medications but we rarely get ill. It will take a while for the computer to comprise an antidote."

Dib shifted to lean back against the couch and stare dumbly at the TVs that were still on at least seven different channels. No wonder GIR's brain was so rotted. "Aright then, I'll just go." He cracked glanced over at the Irken who was bristling. He looked like he was going to be sick. In a flash of instinct Dib flipped himself over the arm of the couch just in time to miss a spray of flashing green goo. "Holy shit, Zim!"

Zim gagged and coughed looking rather repulsed. He still had some of it dribbling from his mouth before he thumped backward letting out an awful string of sounds in some language he couldn't grasp. Irken he assumed. He put the back of his hand over his forehead and looked rather hopelessly to Dib.

As soon as he was sure Zim wasn't going to explode or something he picked himself up from his hiding place. Carefully coming back over he frowned at the mess. Damn Zim WAS sick. He disappeared once again and had a feeling that Zim had reached out for him but shrugged it off. He kicked through some of the mess in the kitchen where GIR had his fun and returned with a bucket. He set it beside Zim who gave it a funny look. "Get sick in there next time." He ordered grabbing at the blanket, avoiding the muck as well as he could before wiping off Zim as best he could.

"Do not touch Zim or give him orders! I am ZIM! Your lord and master! I shall destroy you!" He spazzed while trying to avoid the cleaning like some insane five year old throwing a tantrum. Luckily he was about as strong as a five year old at this point and it was easy enough for Dib to hold him down to finish.

The black haired boy gave another roll of his eyes and tossed the blanket to the wall. "Don't be a baby, Zim. I was getting that nasty stuff off you."

"That stuff was my goo! My precious inside goo!"

Dib resisted the urge to knock him on the head. Instead he turned wondering if Zim had a place to do laundry or how how that vile stuff would react to soap. He should get a sample of it too before he left. He went to move forward but something caught his jacket. He looked back to see a gloved hand then imploring pink eyes. "... What is it now, Zim?" He asked though his voice was a bit more gentle then he intended. The guy just looked so damned helpless.

"Zim's heat source was removed..." He stated bluntly, "I require another one."

Of course he did. He was so damned cold that it made Dib shiver just from touching him. "Do you have another blanket somewhere?" He scanned the room seeing that most of it was trashed as GIR took the opportunity to get his way with things without someone willing to yell at him. A blanket from any room would probably be gross and covered in who knows what. He was half surprised Zim didn't lame his getting sick on him for messing with it. But maybe he just knew he couldn't hold it down. Not able to find anything else he slipped out of his jacket and held it back toward the alien. "Here. Its better then nothing until I can find you something clean."

At first nothing happened then slowly Zim accepted the jacket, slipping it over himself and curling underneath of it. It was still warm from Dib's body heat and he sank into it, contentedly. Dib figured his being cold was the reverse of a human fever. "Remind me to make your death fast, Dib-Stink, when I take over this rock of a planet."

"Sure, Zim. Whatever you say."

_________________________

Well that's the end of chapter one. I spent a lot of time on this. HOURS. I haven't written fanfiction in YEARS so I hope this is some source of improvement of my writing. I do intend to finish this. No idea on how may chapters or what it will progress to. So I put it under general.


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